I Can't Help It
by classic-phan
Summary: I Can't Help It (Can't Help Falling in Love with You) In which Shinichi can't help but like Kuroba Kaito, Magician Extraordinaire, while trying not to get his heart broken. (Alt: The soulmate AU that nobody really needed but I wrote anyway.)


Summary: I Can't Help It (Can't Help Falling in Love with You)

In which Shinichi can't help but like Kuroba Kaito, Magician Extraordinaire, while trying not to get his heart broken.

(Alt: The soulmate AU that nobody really needed but I wrote anyway.)

...

A/N: This was written for Seasons of Anime Exchange for my babe Zai 3

I hope you enjoy!

...

Shinichi didn't know how he felt about the whole soulmate thing. In his 23 years of living, he had never found his. Or maybe he had, he just didn't know it yet. It was plausible; he wasn't one for physical contact. The people he did touch where not a lot; his parents, his friends and the occasional criminal he had to catch. The latter was part of the job description and Shinichi wished he would never find out about his soulmate in that way.

Soulmates were something sacred. Someone to be cherished and protected, but Shinichi hadn't been able to find his own yet. The mark on his collarbone was still incomplete.

The outline of a monocle rested at the end of his collarbone, always hidden by his shirt.

It was widely known that the soulmark will only be completed when you touched your soulmate for the first time. The mark will be filled with different colors upon touch and so will your soulmates.

The marks weren't always the same; they were what connected you to your soulmate so they were known to be something that was important to them. A lot of people chose to make their soulmarks known through the net while some kept them close or hidden. More than half of the population was known to have them; no one knew how many didn't. There was no way to know if someone would be born with a soulmark or not, it wasn't related to blood or anything else. You couldn't guess if someone would be born with a mark or not.

 _Randomly granted._

Some people were glad that they got a soulmark, happy to be with someone for their whole life. While some lamented, their hearts breaking when they find out that the person they had fallen for wasn't meant for them. Shinichi was confused about which category he fit into. He was happy that he would find someone he was meant to be with but at the same time he wanted to be someone who fell in love on his own accord.

He wasn't someone who believed in destiny. But seeing others fall in love with their soulmates left him feeling melancholic. He didn't want to fall for someone who he wouldn't end up with.

Shaking all these thoughts away, he rushed towards the coffee shop he was heading towards. Someone was waiting for him there after all.

He shook off the snow which had piled on his umbrella as soon as he reached the coffee shop, letting out a pleasant sigh as he was hit by the smell of coffee and the warmth of the store. Shinichi was glad that winter was coming to an end; he was fed up of catching a cold whenever his clothes got soaked because of the snow. Placing his umbrella in the stand besides the door, he walked towards the counter to order his coffee while eyeing the customers sitting around.

He turned to look at the barista in front of him and ordered his coffee, his gaze slipping away to where _he_ was sitting. Bending over the book open in front of him, a hand holding the edge of the book while the other was wrapped around his drink. Possibly taking in the warmth as Shinichi noticed the steam coming from it.

Shinichi smiled as he took his own cup and moved towards _him_. He called out his name as he approached _him_ and had to scold his heart when it started beating faster as he looked at the smile which was directed to him. Sitting down in front of him, he looked at the book which his companion was reading.

"Arsène Lupin? Are you reading the same book again?" he asked him, wrapping his cold fingers around his drink.

"No, of course not," he smiled, as he closed his book and leaned forward. "This one is in French, the previous one was in English."

"And if I remember correctly, the one before that was in Japanese," Shinichi couldn't help but laugh a bit. Of course, _he_ would be the one to read three versions of the same book.

"Ahh Shinichi, you cannot laugh at me. You are the one who has read all Sherlock Holmes novels in _both_ English and Japanese… multiple times," he grinned, enjoying the pout which appeared on the detectives face. "Frankly, I don't even see the appeal of it. There are so many better books that you could read. Instead, you waste your time on reading stupid detective novels."

Shinichi glared at the man in front of him, knowing the magician was doing this on purpose -in order to rile him up. "Oh and what would _you_ suggest? Arsène Lupin? I would rather not."

"Sherlock Holmes is a fantastic book, written _brilliantly_. I do not think that you would even be able to comprehend it, even if you do give it a try," Shinichi sent him a smirk, laughing at how his friend's eyes turned a shade darker.

"Well then, pray tell, why _the_ Kudou Shinichi keeps offering his own _personal_ copy to someone who would not be able to comprehend it?" the grin was back on.

"It's part of my Public Service. For the benefit of the society, you see? I expected Kuroba Kaito to understand this much, but it looks like I'm wrong."

"You must be familiar with that feeling, since you are always wrong about how _great_ the book actually is," he leered.

"Not more than you," Shinichi threw back, a bright smile on his face. His eyes were the complete opposite, promising things that made the criminals that he so frequently captured think twice before opening their mouths. Unfortunately, Kaito was unfazed.

Naturally, he had been on the end of that stare countless of times.

Shinichi's mind was suddenly distracted, as his eyes landed on Kaito's collarbone, the little bit of skin unhidden by his shirt. He wanted to reach out and touch his skin, hoping _-pleading-_ that something would change between them. Shinichi had made sure that they never touched before. In the time he had known Kaito, they had never talked about soulmates.

Shinichi was too nervous about the outcome to ever start the conversation. And Kaito just _didn't._

The detective never met with the magician outside of the coffee shop, both being busy with their jobs and other things. They never really talked about the things which mattered.

The coffee shop they were at held a lot of significance to Shinichi, they had met here for the first time after all. This place felt like _theirs_. A place where they always came together. Something special to them and them _only_.

If only Kaito felt the same.

None of the two had tried to set up a meeting outside the coffee shop, content with their present arrangement. Shinichi hoped he would one day be able to see him somewhere else. See a different version of Kaito. He always said that one day he would see Kaito's magic show _to of course deduce each trick_ but the day hasn't arrived yet. Shinichi wished it would.

The two stayed there for another half an hour, both silently drinking their drinks. That was something he really liked about these meetings. His office was usually buzzing, people running around and the higher-ups shouting at the officers to do things faster but _here._ Here he could bask in the warm atmosphere of the coffee shop, the bell ringing a few times and people going about their days.

They always took the seat besides the window; Shinichi gazing outside and Kaito reading his novel while sometimes it would be the opposite. The silence was comfortable. It wasn't like they didn't have something to talk about - _they did_ \- but they also enjoyed the peace and quiet.

Sometimes they would people watch, both being good at guessing what other people were thinking. It was a nice exercise. Made them sharper, and have fun at the same time. A few times they tried seeing who could come up with the most bizarre theories, which always ended up in a laughing fit.

This was the most content Shinichi felt. Being here with Kaito.

Shinichi stood up when he noticed the dark clouds disappearing, wanting to get home to the safety and warmth of his blanket. He said his goodbyes to Kaito and gathered his stuff. Pausing as he went to get his umbrella, something making him turn towards the other and so he did; he looked at his friend and was surprised to notice the other was already looking at him. Their eyes locked and Shinichi couldn't move.

Every thought flew out of his mind, only one remaining.

 _I want to touch you._

He took off before he could do something he would come to regret.

In his haste, Shinichi didn't notice the way Kaito's arm stretched out -as if to touch him.

…

It had been a few weeks since he met up with the magician. They both had gotten busy with their jobs, Kaito had to do show after show and Shinichi got involved in a serial murder case.

Needless to say, it wasn't the first time it had happened.

Winter turned into spring, and the cherry blossoms were flourishing.

"Got a end-of-winter cold, Shinichi?" Kaito asked, his voice light and teasing as Shinichi sniffled. They were meeting up at the coffee shop as usual, the difference was Kaito was in a light hoodie while Shinichi was bundled up in a sweater and scarf.

"Shut up," Shinichi couldn't be bothered to retort properly, too busy nursing his hot drink.

Kaito just smiled back, used to his behaviour. He shifted his gaze outside, admiring the plethora of sakura. He turned his body towards the window, as if to look at them properly, while his eyes shifted to the detective. Kaito couldn't help the smile that bloomed on his face as he looked at the cute detective. Shinichi's nose was tinted red and he was practically becoming one with his coffee, going by how hard he was gripping the cup.

Seeing Shinichi after so long made the meeting even more memorable; the reunion a nice and pleasant way to unwind. No matter how many times it had happened, Kaito still looked forward to their meetings. Going on without seeing the detective for weeks left a bitter feeling behind. He constantly missed being around the detective, enjoying the way they bickered and how everything seemed so easy with him there.

It was becoming a common theme, him missing Shinichi. Whenever he saw something or did something that reminded him of the azure eyed man he would want to see him. He wanted to be around him, hold him and touch him. He wanted to be _the_ one for Shinichi. He groaned when he realised he knew nothing about Shinichi in that aspect. The other never brought it up and neither did Kaito.

Kaito didn't even know if Shinichi had a soulmate or mark, and it was getting increasingly frustrating. His own soulmark resting on his collarbone, just a tracing. No color filling it up like he had seen others do. He remembers his best friend's mark fill up with a brilliant hazel and blue when she had met her soulmate.

He yearns for someone who will love him with his whole heart. Someone who would hold him and support him through his ups and downs. Who wouldn't judge him over his likes and dislikes. Someone to spend his entire life with.

He yearns _for_ Shinichi. Yearns to touch him and embrace him. To wake up every day next to him. He wants everything with Shinichi.

 _If only he knew Shinichi wanted him too._

But Kaito never acted on his feelings. Instead, he kept all the memories they made locked tightly and close to his heart. Suddenly, he remembered how he had met the detective. A smile lit up his face as recollected the fond memory.

 _"_ _Can I sit here?" a voice drifted above him, Kaito looked up when he heard the deep and melodious voice and his eyes settled on soft azure. The handsome man gave him a confused smile. Kaito felt his eyes widen as he gestured to the man to sit down, wondering why someone would bother to sit down next to him. His eyes quickly swept through the whole shop and he was surprised to see the whole shop filled. He hadn't realized that._

 _"_ _By any chance, are you a magician?" the man asked curiously a few minutes later._

 _"_ _Is that supposed to be a pick-up line?" Kaito couldn't help but narrow his eyes as he looked at the man. He looked like a nice person, a handsome one too, but you could never be too sure; who knew what the guy wanted from him._

 _"_ _No! Don't look at me like that, I just noticed you had some feathers in your front pocket," Kaito's gaze followed the man's towards his pocket and he noticed the features._

I'm really out of it today _. Kaito thought as he sighed._

 _"_ _I also noticed you gave a flower to the little girl sitting a few tables down," he continued sheepishly. When he noticed Kaito's glare he quickly rushed to explain, "I'm a detective, so I like noticing small things. My name is Kudou Shinichi." Shinichi said with a little bow of his head._

 _"_ _Kuroba Kaito."_

 _"_ _It's nice to meet you, Kuroba-san," the smile he gave Kaito filled him with a sort of bubbling feeling he hadn't felt before. Kaito thinks that Shinichi's smile was the reason he fell in love with him._

 _He couldn't help but remember about the soulmark in that moment. Hoping that he had just found his. That day and the days that went by after that, Kaito found out two things._

 _Kudou Shinichi doesn't like skinship._

 _Kudou Shinichi never brings up the topic of soulmates._

 _It doesn't stop the feelings that settle within him, burning him up._

As he looks at Shinichi, happily drinking his coffee and trying not to sneeze, he can't help but feel sad.

 _I want to touch you._

…

The next time Kaito sees Shinichi, he's only able to catch a glimpse of him. What worries him is that he sees him on the news, in the background of a crime scene.

His heart clenches at the sight of Shinichi questioning a girl. It's not a foreign feeling. He's felt it every time Shinichi talks about his job. He suddenly wants to go there, be next to him. Kaito wants to make sure that no harm comes to him.

The thought of his detective getting hurt or _worse,_ makes him want to hurl. Instead he focuses on the screen before him, sitting straight in his seat as he searched for anything that could happen. He doesn't like this. Not being able to do anything and seeing Shinichi in the middle of danger. He scolds himself when he notices where his thoughts are leading him too. Shinichi isn't alone. He has a whole team of competent officers with him. The detective isn't an amateur.

His eyes widen when he hears it. _Kudou Shinichi solves another case._ He almost cheers aloud but cups his mouth to stop himself. Taking a deep breath, he turns on his phone and opens their chat, quickly typing out a message before he hurriedly deletes it.

"Still moaning over coffee boy, Kaito?" a teasing voice shakes him out of his thoughts.

"Ahoko!" he refuses to say he screamed.

"Seriously, will you just make a move? This is getting a bit repetitive," Aoko said as she took a seat beside her idiotic best friend.

"I don't remember asking your opinion," Kaito said grudgingly.

"Hakuba thinks so too."

"I _never_ asked for his opinion."

"What's the problem with you two anyway?" she asked, her tone softer. Aoko has been worrying about him, seeing her usually cheerful and easy going friend think twice and mope around someone for so long made her sad. Or made her want to lock the two of them in a room together and leave them there until they sorted out their feelings.

"I don't know if he has a soulmark or if he already has a soulmate," he groaned out. Maybe he should just ask Shinichi about it and relieve himself from this stress.

"Maybe you should just ask him," she unknowingly -or probably knowingly, Aoko has a unique way of knowing his thoughts whenever it involved Shinichi- said what he was thinking.

"It's not that simple," he admitted. He didn't want rejection from _Shinichi,_ never from Shinichi.

"Or maybe it is. Maybe you are just overthinking it," Aoko rested her arm on his shoulder, shaking him a bit, "I think you'll regret it if you don't talk about it soon."

"And who cares if you two are soulmates or not? There are so many couples out there who aren't!" she continues, hoping to help her best friend. Support him like he had done so many times when she was down.

Kaito stared at her for a moment, thinking over what she had just said. It was true, there were some couples who weren't with their soulmates. Platonic soulmates were what they were called. Maybe Kaito's soulmate was also like this.

He didn't think he could ever love someone other than Shinichi.

"What would you know, Ahoko!" he said instead, shooting a thankful smile towards her despite his words.

"You idiot!" she laughed, punching him in the arm as her response to his smile.

They stayed there for a while, just catching up on stuff they missed out in each others life. Later as Kaito was finally able to be alone, his thoughts wandered towards the detective.

He wished he could be there with Shinichi right now.

The magician laughed a little when he realised how often he thought about that. Maybe he should confess to Shinichi the next time they meet. He quickly messaged Shinichi to meet him tomorrow at the coffee shop before he lost his nerve and only relaxed after getting a affirmative reply.

 _Tomorrow is going to be a long day._ He thought as he fell asleep.

 _It really is a long day._ Kaito thought as looked at the seat in front of him, the twenty minute mark over.

Shinichi was late.

"Kaito!" Shinichi panted as he skid to a stop in front of him. "Sorry about being late, someone crashed over at my place last night without telling me and I had to take him to the train station today because he just wouldn't stop complaining," he groaned.

Kaito was tempted to ask who this someone was but instead he just waved Shinichi's apology off and motioned for him to sit. He pushed the coffee he had gotten earlier towards him with a small _for you._

The smile he got in return made waiting for Shinichi worth it.

Before he could ask Kaito about why he wanted to meet him here so urgently -they usually saw each once a week and they had just met a few days ago, not that he minded meeting him again- Kaito had turned the subject towards the case he had solved yesterday. Shinichi put away his confusion and turned his attention towards the topic at hand.

He didn't point out how Kaito had behaved differently the whole time they were together or how his eyes seemed dejected whenever the conversation lulled. Like he was disappointed in something.

Shinichi wasn't able to get out the words to ask him what's wrong.

Kaito didn't get to confess his feelings for him.

They both went home a little sad.

…

"Kaito?" Shinichi called out to the lone figure sitting on the bench looking the river surrounded by cherry blossoms. It made a pretty picture. Kaito looking at the river -which was pink from the sakura floating in it- with a tender smile, just enjoying the moment and the atmosphere.

"Shinichi!" Kaito smiled at him before motioning for him to sit beside him. Shinichi returned the smile with a bright one before sitting down. The last time he had seen the magician, Shinichi knew they left it at the wrong note. He hadn't figured out the reason why the mood between them had changed but he was set on returning it back to normal.

"What are you doing out here all alone?" Shinichi calls out in a gentle voice, his eyes shifting from the river and the trees to his companion, marveling at the way his whole face was lighted up in soft hues by the lights draped over the sakura trees.

"Just thinking," he said, his voice softening until it was just a whisper, "Felt like taking a stroll and here I am."

"Well I hope you don't mind the company then," Shinchi doesn't know if he should leave him alone or stay -if Kaito wants him to stay- but Shinichi doesn't want to be away from him. He's finally seeing Kaito outside of their usual setup, it's something different and Shinichi wants to be next to him.

They sit in silence for the next few minutes, both looking at the beautiful scenery in front of them but Shinichi is lost in his own thoughts. Thinking about how to ask him about the last time they met, Shinichi knows asking Kaito outright might be the most productive. The magician had a bad habit of avoiding the topic and twisting it around.

"Hey Kaito?" he turned to look at him, giving a small smile as their eyes met, before continuing, "Are you okay? Are _we_ okay?"

Something flashes in Kaito's eyes at Shinichi's words. Something dark and a bit melancholic. Shinichi doesn't like it.

"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" the answer was expected, Kaito wasn't going to open up so easily.

"It's just… the last time we met, you looked a bit sad," Shinichi was avoiding his eyes now.

But so was Kaito.

"You're just overthinking it," he waved it off. Shinichi couldn't help but frown, Kaito was obviously lying.

"You should know better than to lie to a detective, Kaito," he didn't know if he should push for more, "You know you can tell me right? I want to help."

Kaito opened his mouth before quickly closing it. He let out a dark chuckle before turning to Shinichi, his eyes burning with emotion as he snapped, "Why do you care so much?"

The detective couldn't help but feel offended. _Is this how Kaito thought Shinichi felt?_

"Of course I care! We're friends, aren't we?" Shinichi _knew_ they were.

"That's the problem!" Kaito shouts before his eyes widen as he takes in the hurt look on his friend's face. He blindly reaches out to him and doesn't mask the hurt when Shinichi moves away. He deserved that.

"The problem is- " Kaito starts again, his eyes trained on Shinichi's downcast eyes. He never wants to see him like that.

"The problem is that I want to be more than friends, Shinichi," he says softly, red colouring his cheeks. He looks for any disgust in Shinichi's expression but is surprised to find none. Instead, he looks almost relieved and happy.

"I want that too," Shinichi says, a bright smile on his face, the complete opposite from his mood a few minutes ago.

Kaito wants to jump Shinichi in his happiness, he's ecstatic! He settles on giving him a smile instead, full of his emotions. He's abruptly reminded about the ink on his collarbone and can't help but curse himself. He should ask him.

"Shinichi?" he takes a deep breath, "Do you… do you have a soulmark?"

The detective stares at the other with wide eyes before he nods. He almost forgot about that!

"Do you think we are soulmates?" his tone is full of hope.

"I hope so," Kaito replies, "But what if…?"

The disappointment if they weren't soulmates would be smothering. Kaito thinks he would still be able to love Shinichi but he wasn't sure if the other felt the same. He would probably prefer being with his soulmate instead of him. _The very thought stung._

"I would still want to be with you, Kaito," Shinichi always surprised him. He couldn't help the warmth that spread all over him, filling his stomach with butterflies and set his heart fluttering.

"Can we check?" he asked as he shifted a bit closer to the detective.

Shinichi lifted his hand to where Kaito's was resting but stopped when Kaito told him to stop. Confused, he looked at the magician, silently asking him what's wrong.

"I have a better way to find out. I've heard it's luckier this way," he said with a Cheshire grin on his face. Shinichi couldn't help but deadpan, he knew the other used to be _infamous_ for his pranks. He wants to refuse but one look at Kaito's pleading eyes and the soft _indulge me_ he whispers has him complying. He internally shouts at the voice -which suspiciously sounds like Hattori's- that says _whipped._

"Great! Now close your eyes," the bubbly voice has him on edge but he still calms down and closes his eyes, "Don't worry Shinichi, and relax."

He involuntary loosens up at his voice.

Kaito looks at Shinichi and smiles at the cute detective. He stares at him for a while before remembering what he had to do, he slowly leans closer.

Shinichi feels his patience running out as Kaito takes his sweet time. He's about to snap at him when he feels a soft weight on his lips and his eyes open up as Kaito kisses him. Shinchi feels fireworks going off in his heart and kisses Kaito back with the same fervour. He smiles into the kiss as his eyes close.

They can't help but smile at each other as they move away to breathe.

"Is it just me or is my collarbone really tingling?" Shinichi breaks the silence, still smiling. He looks away from Kaito to move his shirt away. His smile widening at the colour blooming in his previously uncoloured soulmark. The beautiful shades of blue and white taking over his skin.

"You have to admit, it's a pretty lucky first kiss," Kaito says cheekily and moves to wrap his arms around Shinichi as he pulls them together. The next kiss is followed by smiles and fond looks and so is the next one and the one after that.

"Hey soulmate," Shinichi says, breaking away from the kiss, giggling like an idiot.

"Shut up idiot and kiss me."

Shinichi couldn't argue with that.

...

Let me know what you think! Please I need validation.


End file.
